Beauty in words

Hey,

I hope you're all really really well and happy:). It's almost new year and so I hope you've had a lovely and magical one, but that your 2017 is even better.
I realised tonight (sorry if I'm deep but I don't know, I just think a lot), that recently when I've been writing I feel like I'm not writing how I feel. Like, I am to an extent, but I think because I'm aware, through sharing this on social media, that people actually sometimes read it that I change my style to maybe entertain more?  You can't actually begin to imagine how completely blown away and humbled this makes me feel as.. To just take time out of your day to read my waffle is so so lovely. Thank you so much.
But, I'm writing tonight after feeling parculiar for quite some time. By this I don't mean depressed or scared or lonely just... Not myself... Not in touch with me if that makes sense? I get that from time to time. Sometimes I feel not 'me' and every single time I realise that it's when I'm getting a little bit too big for my boots, a little too materialistic or just,  I don't know, stupid. I realise that if I'm not going to be myself, to me there is no point in writing at all and so I vow to try and always be me from this day on. There may be times when I'm sad or frustrated and chose not to put this, but I wouldn't be lying, I'd just rather focus on the good things. Life is wonderful after all, and everyone feels off at times and it's usually when I feel poorly, which I'm pretty sure is normal.
Anyway, this means that I'm going back to how I did blogging before, as a means of expressing what I can't always express. This means it may come across self centred but I really wish it doesn't. I'd rather write about self centred feelings though I guess, if it means I can focus on others in every other aspect of my life.
Well, I do ramble don't i?! ;)
What I really want to talk about is poetry. Sometimes by reading a poem it brings me back to me. It's kind of like my belief in God that I never talk about, but is part of me. It's just kind of there.
So I read a few poems by my favourite poet, who wasn't even classed as a poet, but an actor, Richard Beckinsale. And this has made me want to write, so here is a poem I cannot chose a name for:

Untitled poem

I really don't know where I went
Turning to social media surely isn't the way to vent
Judging myself by well lit rooms
Scanning the happiness or doom and gloom
I don't know what happened it really isn't me
To stress over the smallest things and get angry
Sometimes I get lost in it all
Wanting to impress, whilst feeling small
I don't know why, I'm really unsure
Confidence is an act when your eyes sweep the floor
But don't you see it doesn't need to be like this
The people that know you, understand the shift
Between being you and that stranger who seeks
Approval at pictures make up or meek
Bragging or almost, sometimes it seems,
You're not this girl, stop it, please.

I love to laugh and sing and dance
And really not care and love and prance
 and never stop looking at the stars
As up there it seems there are no bars
Of health or pity or anger or fear
But living for the second and embracing the dear
I am blessed
I cannot believe
All that I have is more than I need
As I wake each day to love and warmth and comfort and content
I wish to admire and learn and invent
New ways of being happy
Of starting with a smile
And walking each step in sunshiney style.



Have a lovely evening,
Love,
Molly xxx